Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
