i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
