Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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