Can Purell be used as lube?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it's like iHOP with fire
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
