Don't you send me to vm
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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