there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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