I swear she didn't look like that last week.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm passing your future prison.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
