Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
