i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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