Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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