"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
