We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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