How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
