Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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