Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
