then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
