i was born a porn star she said
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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