So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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