my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
