Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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