I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She announced her abortion via fbk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
