if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
me + whiskey = a bad person
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
