I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
