Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
