i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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