it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
