I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
