I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
