my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
