i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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