the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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