Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
