im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
