at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
