I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
