i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize