bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
