pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Randomize
