who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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