Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
