I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
