I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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