How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
