she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
