You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
