I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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