I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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