I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
