I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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