***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
