so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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