listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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