i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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