i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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