A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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