Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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