she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
