i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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