Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
