A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
