also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
