Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
