Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
