he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
