He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
