his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
