the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
